Wednesday, July 4, 2012

What's the Worst that Could Happen?

Wedding nightmares are apparently a pretty common phenomenon with stressed-out brides near the end of the engagement.  Night after night, the frazzled bride's subconscious plays out every possible scenario of things that could go wrong on The Big Day, from the slightly improbable to the completely absurd.  For some brides, this serves merely as fodder for a funny story over coffee with a friend, and for others, it convinces them make sure they are prepared for the worst in the off-chance that the dreams are their third eye seeing into the beyond.

Emma Thompson as Professor Trelawney // image via Stellar Path
I have yet to fall victim to these sorts of nightmares.  Sure, I'm crazy stressed out about all things wedding right now, but my stress originates mainly from The List and from rational fears, such as the worry that I won't be able to finish everything on The List.  I haven't quite ventured into the territory of the myriad of other things that could go wrong.

This weekend, Mr. Geek and I made the trip down to Blacksburg for my friend (and bridesmaid) MrsF's wedding.  You may have heard that a slightly interesting series of thunderstorms made its way across the state and the rest of the East Coast on Friday, causing minor problems along the way.  The wedding reception was supposed to be held at the Blacksburg Country Club.

image via
Like millions of other Virginians, guess who didn't have power on Saturday?

Now, never fear- this story has a happy ending.  Turns out the country club did some leg work, and called up The Inn at Virginia Tech to see if they could hold the reception there, with the country club staff doing the work.

image via The Inn at Virginia Tech

The Inn was cooperative, and the phone call that the bride received the morning of her wedding was not, "So...what do you want to do now?" but instead, "We have a back-up plan!"  Apparently the bride originally wanted to host the reception at The Inn anyway, so everything worked out for the best.

the happy couple, thankful to be dancing in an air-conditioned room // {personal photo}
Of course, as Mr. Geek and I are the next in line to the altar amongst our group of friends, dinner conversation at the reception began with the question, "So, Miss Geek, what would you have done if this were your wedding?"

We all generally agreed that I would've freaked out, spent most of the day crying, and sent out an announcement to the guests generally stating, "Just kidding, we'll try again next week."

Thus began a rousing game of Let's Name Everything That Could Possibly Go Wrong on the Geeks' Wedding Day.

Let me tell you, this was a super fun game.  It's my new favorite game.  I'm pretty sure I won.  I mean, I'm the only player who nearly hyperventilated and tried to change the subject several times before announcing rather abruptly that it was time to go dance.  And I've found myself practicing my skills at this game by making my own list of disasters in my head and freaking out about them.

Want to play?

Things That Could Go Wrong on the Big Day

-the Atlanta airport closes, and a majority of our out-of-town guests can't get to the wedding at all, including the groom
-a hurricane tears its way inland and destroys the reception site
-the kitchen at the reception site catches fire and the entire place burns down before we get to eat any cupcakes
-my dress catches fire while being steamed/pressed and I have to wear jeans instead
-I never actually find a good pair of shoes to wear and just go barefoot
-all of my hair falls out and I have to wear a wig even though I am so very against using extensions
-the invitations don't get sent to the printers on time so they get mailed out late, and by the time people receive them, they've already made plans for November 10th
-my fabric flower boutonnieres/corsages look stupid and everyone refuses to wear them
-a bridesmaid forgets to order her dress and has to wear jeans instead
-the florist covers the church in $1 million worth of white roses and when I can't pay in full the entire parish brings a lawsuit against us
-the sound system dies at the reception site and I have to sing loudly, else there will be nothing to dance to
-my makeup causes an allergic reaction that doesn't show up until after months of use, and on the morning of the wedding my entire face is red and swollen
-the photographer wrote down the wrong day and doesn't show up
-something is wrong with the seafood in the po'boys and every single guest is struck with immediate, violent food poisoning, causing them to vomit all over the dance floor
-they run out of Maker's Mark before I get a drink
-the sound system works just fine, but the only music my computer is capable of playing is the Nyan Cat song on a loop for 4 hours and we can't make it stop
-I receive the Blood of Christ at Communion and proceed to spill it all down my front
-the ring bearer does indeed throw his little book down the aisle, and while we've thought ahead and not actually given him the rings, it knocks over a candle on the altar, sending the whole church up in flames
-my dad decides he knows what's best and will be driving us to our honeymoon and then back to NOVA rather than letting me drive my own car
-Mr. Geek farts really, really loud when he's supposed to say "I do"
-I come down with laryngitis and am incapable of saying anything, much less "I do", but I mouth the words anyway.  Years later, the topic comes up in the form of a funny story in an audience with the Pope and he declares the marriage invalid because I never actually made any vows.  Mr. Geek is so horrified that I had never realized this was the case and so decides to not re-marry me officially.
-Mickey and Minnie actually accept our invitation, show up at the wedding, and terrify our two tiniest attendants (my baby cousins).  They proceed to shriek in terror for the entire Mass, refusing any comfort, just standing in front of the altar rigid in shock and wailing at the top of their lungs.

*Phew* I'm really good at this game, y'all.  It's actually quite fun.  At least I'm laughing at the ridiculousness my imagination is capable of instead of sobbing in the corner in sheer despair.

Your turn!  What are some absolutely terrible things that could happen at your wedding, probable or otherwise?

Much love,
The Geeks

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